i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize
