Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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