I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
