belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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