dude i'm inner monologue high
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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