Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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