so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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