I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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