Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The uberlube is also flammable
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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