someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
