no, he came in my armpit
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
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Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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