i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
