It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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