It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
