Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
