Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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