so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
