Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Mom said you looked used
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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