A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
