You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize