there's paper in my vomit.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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