could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
