are you so shy because you have an std?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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