So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
