Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
