the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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