I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
you had me at cake vodka
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
