The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
