I cockslap morals
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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