Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
