i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
lets start a swedish sibling band together
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
