I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
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