Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Vodka?
Forever.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
