didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
