when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
