Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
