is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
