I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Randomize
