Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
