Why is your signature on my underwear?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
