He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
