I don't usually arrange sex via text message
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
