Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
