I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
