Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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