I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
