I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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