I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Watching her eat just hurts me
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
