So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
4 words: hood of his car
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
