I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
