C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
