Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
This girl is more easily done than said...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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