I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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