dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
