Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize