I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I am spending my child support on dildos
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
