I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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