i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize