Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
2020 sucks, I want a refund
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
