What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
