wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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