hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
