do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
