The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
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The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
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I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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