I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
