Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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