My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
