Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
