...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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