...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he puts the penis in happiness.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
