i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
