I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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