I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
