i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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