It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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