Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
