By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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