Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
