life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
